Naslouchání nápadům

Většina z nás jsme velmi dobře vycvičeni v kritickém naslouchání, což v obvyklém podání vypadá jako schopnost velmi rychle zhodnotit nový nápad či myšlenku a také je svižně zamítnout. Najít důvody, proč jsou mylné, chybné, a to v řádu několika málo sekund. A přestat poslouchat, přestat se doopravdy zajímat.

Problém tohoto přístupu spočívá vtom, že díky tomuto běžnému procesu naslouchání novým myšlenkám zůstává naše realita velmi strnulá, řada vynikajících nápadů umírá dříve, než je možné ověřit jejich potenciál, držíme se v zajetých kolejích a v bezpečí svého vycvičeného (kondicionovaného) myšlení.

Máme zvyk poslouchat (číst, sledovat) názory, které jsou v souladu s naším myšlením. Čteme noviny, které obvykle vyjadřují souhlasná stanoviska s naším přesvědčením, potkáváme se a nasloucháme lidem, kteří s námi souhlasí. A když mluví někdo, kdo je nám nepříjemný (má odlišné názory), tak slyšíme všechny ty chyby, mezery, omyly v jejich stanoviscích.

Když za námi přijde někdo s novým nápadem (třeba v práci), dokážeme ve zlomku vteřiny přijít na to, proč to nejde udělat. Jsme opravdu výborně vytrénovaní v nacházení negativ. A na této schopnosti není nic špatného, velmi se hodí pro kvalitní analýzu a pro odhalení slabin a přípravu nápravných opatření. Ale pokud se hned v první fázi naslouchání, kdy třeba nápad našeho kolegy ještě není vytříbený, což je u nových myšlenek naprosto obvyklé, zaměřujeme na vše špatné místo toho, abychom se pokusili důkladně pochopit, co kolegu k jeho nápadu přivedlo, co se za ním skrývá, zabijeme všechno nové hned v zárodku. Plýtváme potenciálem a do budoucna snižujeme šanci na to, že s něčím novým přijdou.

Nové nápady se pochopitelně netýkají jen zaměstnání; s novými myšlenkami přicházejí naše děti, partneři, kamarádi. A my je až příliš často nedokážeme vyslechnout.

Filtrujeme totiž vše nové skrze naše obvyklé myšlení, svoje minulé zkušenosti. Slyšíme svoji vlastní interpretaci toho, co nám druzí říkají. Hned nám mysl naservíruje vlastní verzi toho, jak by to vypadalo, argumenty, proč je to špatně, co by to pro nás znamenalo, co bychom museli udělat, že už jsme to zkoušeli a jak to všechno dopadne.

Podívejme se třeba na úplně obyčejný návrh ze života a jak může konverzace vypadat při běžném, povrchním naslouchání oproti hlubšímu naslouchání, kdy se snažíme pochopit, co doopravdy chce druhá osoba říct, a co se možná skrývá v pozadí.

Běžné naslouchání

„Miláčku, co kdybychom příští víkend jeli k našim? Už jsme tam dlouho nebyli.“

„Jenže já nemůžu, vždyť víš že máme zápas. A navíc jsme tam byli před čtrnácti dny a je to přes tři hodiny cesty…“

„Jenže to jsme se tam jen stavili na chvilku cestou z Moravy a vyzvedli si moje staré knížky…“

„No jo, ale není teda pravda, že jsme tam dlouho nebyli. O tomhle víkendu nemůžu, to bych klukům neudělal, tak co třeba přespříští týden? Jo?“

„Tak jo. Díky.“

Celkem běžná konverzace, která vyústila v dohodu. Takže vše v pořádku. Nicméně možná unikla příležitost pro rozhovor, který vztah obohatí a partneři se o sobě něco dozví…

Hlubší naslouchání

„Miláčku, co kdybychom příští víkend jeli k našim? Už jsme tam dlouho nebyli.“

„Hmm… Myslel jsem, že jsme tam byli před čtrnácti dny. Pročpak Tě to napadlo?“

„Ale… víš, mamka mi volala a zněla nějak ustaraně. Nechtěla nic po telefonu říkat, tak jsem myslela, že bychom tam zajeli, posledně jsme tam byli jen na skok. Já vím, že máš o víkendu zápas, ale ten je dopoledne, a tak mě napadlo, že bychom vyrazili potom. A klidně budu kus cesty řídit, vím, že je to daleko.“

„A čeho myslíš, že se ty její starosti týkají? Děje se něco?“

„Myslím, že jde o tátu a tu jeho paličatost ohledně nechození k doktorům…“

„Jasně, miláčku. Vidím, že ti na tom opravdu záleží. Můžeme jet teď v sobotu nebo příští pátek, abyste měli celý víkend pro sebe… A já tam navíc můžu v klidu běhat v lese na rozdíl od těch našich městských vyasfaltovaných parků…“

„To by bylo asi lepší, prima, tak příští víkend. Jdu mamce zavolat… A děkuju.“

Často v pozadí toho, o čem s námi lidé mluví, leží něco mnohem cennějšího, mnohem důležitější rozhovor. Ale ve spěchu, s hlavou plnou svých vlastních starostí, a při běžném způsobu naslouchání, nám často uniknou. Nemusí to být světoborné nápady, které změní svět. Stačí jen běžné, lidské, každodenní rozhovory. Potřeba výměny informací a dohody se kloubí s naší hlubší potřebou po vzájemném porozumění, propojení a souznění.

Až za vámi někdo přijde s nápadem, s novou myšlenkou, všimněte si, co dělá vaše mysl. Zda produkuje soudy, hodnocení, odmítavá stanoviska i nepříjemné pocity ještě dřív, než celý nápad vyslechnete. Anebo i souhlasná stanoviska, ale ještě dřív, než doopravdy chápeme, co druhá strana chce. A zkuste poslouchat hlouběji, za slova, vnímejte emoce. Odložte aspoň na chvíli všechny ty racionální argumenty, proč něco nejde, nebojte se, oni vám zůstanou a pak se s nimi vypořádáte. Ale nejdřív doopravdy zkuste pochopit, co se vám druhá strana snaží sdělit.

Možná budete překvapeni, co se dozvíte o druhých, sami o sobě. Jak bude váš život obohacen o nové zážitky, které byste jinak úspěšně cenzurovali. A uvidíte, co to udělá s ostatními, když jim začnete naslouchat s čistou myslí a otevřeným srdcem.

S láskou

Martin

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